E.D.S.O.C.
And the Greatest of These is…
In Case You Missed the Last Few Articles:
You found yourself in a place where you get up, go to work, go home, eat dinner, go to bed, get up and do it all over again. You can’t quite put your finger on how you got there. You just know you are there and it’s no fun. You think that maybe it’s just a depression phase you’re going through. Maybe your spouse has changed so much you feel like you don’t recognize them. Maybe you don’t like your job anymore and are too immersed into it to realize that. But at any rate, it’s eating away at your marriage, and you can now see it and don’t really know what to do. You find yourself sick on a regular basis too. There’s a connection between your misery and your health. The solution to this problem and many other problems we face in society today, is to serve. Wait, what?! Serve?! What does that have to do with my spouse?
We all need feel-good neurochemicals. Our bodies possess these neurochemicals and God designed us to have them for specific purposes. EDSOC is an acronym for certain neurochemicals that are released in our brain.
E=Endorphins, D=Dopamine, S=Serotonin, O=Oxytocin, C=Cortisol.
“Ok Grainger, what does that have to do with how I feel about my wife/husband?” Good question. Let’s break it down.
Let’s Do it Alone
Endorphins:
First, let’s understand what endorphins do. Endorphins are chemicals that are released in the brain to mask physical pain. Endorphins can be attained alone. This is the reason you can laugh really hard and enjoy every second of that but when you stop laughing, you hurt. During that laughing spell, endorphins were masking the strain and muscle contractions you were experiencing so you could enjoy the laugh. This also explains the “runner’s high.” They run for an extended amount of time, feel good while they’re running. Then after their run, they feel even better. They feel great. About an hour later, they begin hurting all over. The Endorphins mask what pain you would normally feel so that your body benefits from the exercise. It is a feel-good neurochemical, but one that can be attained alone. So it can only be so beneficial. It is limited.
Dopamine:
Like endorphins, Dopamine can be attained alone as well. Dopamine is released when you seek something out and find it. It’s the reward system neurochemical. It is responsible for us getting things done. We seek out a project and complete it- Dopamine. We find food and eat- Dopamine. It is also found in things like smoking, drinking, and gambling. We find the cigarette, cocktail, or straight flush- Dopamine. Side note: Dopamine is also the exact same chemical that’s released when you get a notification on your phone. Text (ding!), email (swoosh!), Dopamine.
We have put age restrictions on smoking, drinking, and gambling but not on phones and wonder why kids are struggling with paying attention, mental health, self-esteem, and relationships, which require time; time that they don’t want to put in because everything else comes instantly. Don’t wonder. Our kids begin to go through some tough things and we have basically opened a liquor cabinet and said, “here, let this be your coping mechanism.” ADD and ADHD have risen 66% in the last 10 years. Coincidence? Nope. One symptom of dopamine as it pertains to technology is distraction because you’re afraid you’ll miss your next dopamine rush. Dopamine is HIGHLY ADDICTIVE. Therefore, it has its place, but it also attained alone and is limited in its capacity to help.
Here is where it gets a bit interesting. So far, we have talked about feel-good chemicals that can be attained alone. Endorphins and Dopamine, they are good for the body and brain for the purposes they were created for, which is primarily to make us productive. They must be harnessed, however, so that they don’t cause us to conduct ourselves in a manner that is counterproductive to our overall health. The next two, Serotonin and Oxytocin, cannot be attained alone. It requires an interaction with someone else. It is the place where we find love, trust, and acceptance.
Social Reciprocity
Serotonin:
Serotonin is the leadership chemical. Serotonin is the chemical that gets released in order to perpetuate the love of that relationship. A team wins a championship. The MVP is awarded and the player thanks his coach, teammates, friends, and family. Receiving this award shoots a dose of Serotonin into the player’s system. The thing about Serotonin is that when the player receives that dose, the people witnessing it or hearing about it also receive a shot of Serotonin. This chemical reinforces that relational bond. That’s its purpose. The problem with Serotonin is that it can be tricked. You can do something to trick your brain into receiving a shot of Serotonin that it didn’t actually earn. You can display something you have that might indicate wealth status, but in actuality, you don’t have such wealth. But because you displayed it and someone thought it, your brain received that shot of Serotonin. No actual relationship was reinforced or developed.
Another component of this is the hierarchal aspect of Serotonin. You receive a boost of Serotonin when you achieve a status in relation to others. So the alpha in a hierarchy gets preferential treatment. Those below that person gladly accepts this fact. But they aren’t stupid minions. The benefits of being alpha comes at a cost. When there’s danger, we expect that alpha to run TO the danger to protect us. If he/she doesn’t, they have failed us, and this boost of Serotonin is sacrificed in the meantime.
Oxytocin:
Oxytocin is the chemical that gets released through a couple of different channels. One is touch. Hugging, handshakes, pat on the back, these acts all release Oxytocin. It creates a sense of safety. Another way of getting Oxytocin is through acts of generosity. When we do something for someone, we receive a boost of Oxytocin. The person we did the act for also receives the boost of Oxytocin. And, unlike Serotonin where the secondary boost comes from the direct relational tie, the person or people that witnessed it, even while being complete strangers, also get boosts of Oxytocin.
If we give money, it is considered a good gesture. If we give of our time, it is a greater gesture. This is because we put a premium on irredeemable commodities. We can spend money and make it back. But if we give time, we will never get it back. Our bodies are trying to encourage us to repeat behaviors that are in our best interest. The more Oxytocin we have in our system, the more we want. The more generous we are, the more generous we want to be. It boosts our immune system and inhibits addiction. This is the reason I’ve always encouraged those who struggle with depression, anxiety, or depression, to begin serving in some capacity. It increases our ability to solve problems and increases our creativity.
Oxytocin is not addictive. Infact, it boosts your immune system and fights addiction. The thing about Oxytocin is it takes time. It won’t come over night. This makes it tough on some people growing up with devices in their hand. They are used to getting what they need instantaneously. Oxytocin is definitely the best neurochemical of the four to want to activate and repeat. It promotes good physical, social, spiritual, and mental health naturally.
What To Watch Out For
Cortisol:
Cortisol is the antithesis to these previously mentioned chemicals. Cortisol is designed to be used as a first response to danger. It is designed to keep us alive. It helps alert us. In that alert, we have heightened senses so that we are extra aware of any potential danger. This requires energy. In order for our bodies to get this energy, our body must shut certain systems down to get energy from other places.
One of the systems that shuts down is our growth system. Nails and hair have no reason to grow in times of danger. So that system shuts down. Our digestive system shuts down. Breaking down food is not nearly as important as our impending danger and protection. Another system that shuts down is your immune system. Your body shuts these systems down in order to use the energy normally used for those systems and use it for things like heightened hearing, sight, and rushes of glucose and adrenaline into our muscles. It’s this extra energy that explains the ability of a mother that is 5’2” and 105lbs to lift a car off of a child. That rush gives the muscles more than they would normally ever have.
Here’s the problem with Cortisol, our bodies weren’t meant to use it for extended periods of time. It was only meant for immediate danger. So when we are under stress, our brain is telling our body that Cortisol is needed to cope. If we are under stress, there must be some form on impending danger. So it releases Cortisol. It can’t differentiate between a tiger running at us and a mound of doctor bills. All it knows is we are worried, so it releases Cortisol.
When we as leaders keep our followers/employees under constant stress, we cause them to release Cortisol, thereby shutting down their immune system and then wonder why they are sick all the time. Many times, they are sick because they are under such stress that their body has shut down their immune system to cope with the danger they perceive.
This is why worrying is such a bad thing. It causes certain systems in our biological system to shut down. The solution is to worry less… but I realize it simply isn’t that easy, or we’d all do it! Maybe you’re beginning to see how this pertains to the situation at the beginning of the first part of this section. If you don’t properly cultivate your relationships through acts that release Oxytocin, the alternative is worrying about your relationship and releasing Cortisol into your system, which breaks you down, one system at a time.
Applicable to Marriage
But how does that relate to my relationship/marriage? Whether it is your spouse, your family member, your close friend. Serve them. Serving is the key to all of this. It is the action that releases the feel-good neurochemical that is the greatest of these, Oxytocin. Serving causes us to get out of our own problems and help someone else. In doing this, we sometimes notice that our problems aren’t all that bad. We also sometimes notice that we aren’t the only ones dealing with these problems.
And in the midst of all of that, when we serve, we continue to release that chemical that inhibits addiction and boosts our immune system. See, when we were dating our spouse, we were serving them. “I’ll go where YOU want to go for dinner.” “I’ll watch whatever movie YOU want to watch.” We sacrificed our self-interests to make sure the other person was satisfied. This is service. We served them faithfully and continued to for a time. But at some point, we stopped serving them and began worrying more about ourselves. It is this service we must go back to. Understanding how the various chemicals work in our body is important. And hopefully it drives us back to being better versions of ourselves. So, who wants some Oxytocin?!
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger
Very educational & thought provoking. Thank you