Fight Like a Girl
Celebrating Fathers and Calling Them Up
1937
Amelia Earhart disappeared. But what happened before she disappeared is what is much more interesting to me. Her mother came from a very wealthy family and was accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Her father didn’t come from the same background. He struggled through their marriage to make enough money to afford his wife the things she was used to having. Seeing this, Amelia simply didn’t want to fully depend on a man financially and would rather control her own destiny. As a father of daughters, I simply see no problem with this.
Amelia set out to accomplish things that she wanted to accomplish, despite the constant verbal backlash she received for trying to do “Manly things”. At any point through her story, she could have stopped. She could have folded. She could have said, “maybe they’re right. Maybe I should just sit here and be their idea of a woman.” But she didn’t. She worked as a nurse’s aid and then a social worker and saved up enough of her own money to afford flying lessons, then her first plane, a yellow 2-seater she named “Canary”. She was verbally punched but she fought back.
1955
Rosa Parks is arrested. The whites-only section of the Montgomery bus had filled and the bus driver had ordered her to relinquish her seat to a white passenger. She refused. She could have just gotten up and did what everyone around her thought she should do. But she didn’t. She committed “civil disobedience” by sitting quietly in the seat that was originally vacant that she had occupied the entire ride up to that point. This led to the boycott of the Montgomery bus system which was the first campaign of action in the civil rights movement. As we now know, this led to many things that stirred the conversation up enough to make mass changes in our country’s laws, rights, and the way we all think as citizens. She was punched by society, but she punched back.
1986
My family moves to Nashville, TN from south Louisiana. After a few different jobs, my dad found himself working all hours just to make enough money to keep the lights on and food on the table. Eventually, the financial and emotional strain began to eat at their marriage. They discussed the inevitability of divorce. It just seemed to be the next natural step. But my mom wasn’t going to just sit there and let the enemy win. She has a lot of fight in her. So she brought it out and fought to save her marriage. To dad’s credit, he joined the fight. This October they will celebrate 52 years of marriage. She was punched by the new norm in society. But she punched back.
Men in today’s society are viewed as weak, useless, dumb characters that are here to make everyone laugh at how stupid they are. Almost every sit-com TV show depicts men in a useless manner. Nothing more than a laughable, mindless, irresponsible character that generally gets in the way. Men have given society many reasons to be viewed this way. A large number of men either abused their God-given authority in their marriage or was completely neglectful to their wives.
It seems like everyday I see men sitting in cars while their wives pump gas, load groceries, drive the family places. I know there are cases where the man is physically incapable for medical reasons. I get that. But that would be every so often. I see this all the time. They sit back and let their wives take on stressful and physical challenges that they should never have had to do. The women end up finding themselves in the role of mother and father.
2013
My children were forced to endure a divorce. Since then, they’ve never been the same. They don’t see life the same. They don’t see me the same. They don’t treat me the same. They view me, in regards to that subject, as a total failure. In that, they’re right. But God turns all sorrow to joy. He can’t if we don’t allow Him to. He’s a gentleman. I could have just let the situation define who I am. Who they are. I could have just sat back and let the new norm take over. But I didn’t. I took some notes from the women (and real men) in my life. I fought the norm. I chose to pursue my daughters stronger than ever before. Text them constantly. Spend as much time with them as I can. Life punched me in the face. I punched back.
I think we, as men, need to take notes from the women in our lives.
My current wife, Jennifer, before we met, went from “what do I do now, my marriage is over?” to running 3 businesses and raising 5 kids… successfully! She was punched by life. She fought back. And if that was the only uphill battle she’s fought in her life, that would definitely be enough. But it’s not. Not even the tip of the iceberg. She’s overcome many, many obstacles… one after another… most of those obstacles were things she never asked for. She KEPT getting punched… and each time, she kept fighting back.
Are there men getting it right? Of course there are. Most of the men I know are currently getting it right. Most of the men reading this are probably getting it right. So what about you? You’ve read all of this and know that this isn’t something you struggle with. Glad you asked.
To the man doing it right… I say, TEACH. Show your children how much you love them by treating your wife with the utmost respect, love and attention she deserves. Show your children that they’re THIRD in your life, after God and spouse. Find a young man and show him that it is still cool to be a good guy. To not cheat on your wife. To lead the way when it’s time to go to church. Show a young man in your life that masculinity is not a bad thing as long as it is used correctly. Never to be used as a weapon but only as a servant and protection. Make her feel safe because of you.
This Father’s Day, I’m praying for the fathers that are way off and missing the mark. That they find someone to lean on. Very possibly the women in their lives. That they understand it’s not too late. Children NEVER stop loving their parents. I pray for the kids of these dads, that they see the intentional change and allow it to take place. Kids are more resilient than we’ll ever be.
Also on this Father’s Day, I’m celebrating fathers that are living in their God-designed role. The ones that are not giving in to the stereotype of dads in this generation. The ones that understand that children are THIRD in their lives. The ones that understand you’re there to teach and launch, not to be their friend. The ones that see the benefit of their wife’s mind. Her intellect. Her passion. Her scrappiness. The ones that are slow to anger and quick to listen. The ones that serve first and eat last.
If, at the end of my life, I end up being half the father my dad was 10 years ago, I’ll consider myself a success. I’m certainly a very long way from that now. So I’ll keep on fighting. I’ll keep on getting back up after life punches me in the face. I’ll put my hands up and FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger