Phases of Leadership In a Crisis

The Phases of Leadership In a Crisis:

Address, Assure, Awareness.

The phone call that no father wants to get came in. My daughter flipped her car. She was attempting to avoid a deer and ran off the road. I was at dinner. I rush to the scene and she’s there, making jokes. She was fine. Rattled, shaking, emotionally fragile, but physically fine. As soon as the call came in, I went into leader mode.

Phase 1: Address. Keep calm. Remove emotions. Think clearly. Think ahead. Handle your business and take care of those you love. So I did.

I dealt with law enforcement, tow trucks, and neighbors who helped. I made calls. I spoke with various people to get the car back to my house. Business, business, business. Once back at the house, I waited for the tow truck. He unloaded a vehicle that is no longer in one piece. Again, I took care of business. Handled responsibilities. Because that’s what leaders do.

Phase 2: Assure. I hugged her to make sure she knew I was there and that it was going to be ok. I thanked the neighbors who helped. I assured my wife and ex-wife that everything was going to be ok. I made sure the rest of the family knew she was going to be ok. I made sure no one carried the burden of worry or despair. I took on any burden so that the family didn’t have to. Because that’s what leaders do.

What happened next was somewhat unexpected. As I started to get ready for bed, my brain was racing in so many directions and I didn’t really know why. The thoughts weren’t related to the accident. They were just various things I had going on in my life at the time. I couldn’t focus long enough to get any one thing done towards heading for bed. I also usually read a book once in bed. That was out of the question. So I got up and walked around the house.

Phase 3: Awareness. Then it hit me. I became overwhelmed by the idea that she could have died in that accident. The reality of what just happened finally broke through all the business and assuring and reached the inner most part of me. What could have been was now in the forefront of my mind. This quickly led me to a place of gratitude. Because what could have been didn’t happen. She had gone home with her mom. So I then went to her room and sat on her bed and thanked God that she would get into that bed again soon.

True leaders feel these phases, but rarely talk through them or work through them. It’s the last phase that a leader must be aware of. Our natural tendency as leaders is to suppress any feelings of perceived weakness. When the realization of what could have happened hits us, it feels like a moment of weakness. And we do what we must to avoid weakness or the feeling of weakness. This is where we must let those feelings happen.

I liken it to grief. When you have something or someone that you are grieving, you must grieve at that time. You cannot put it off. If you do, you will only grieve later when it is more difficult to properly process what you’re feeling (because the memory of it is different) and also when it is less socially acceptable to do so. Society understood grieving when it happened. But grieving much later makes no sense to most people and can cause problems in your life. Bottling up emotions only produces bad results. This is not to be confused, however, with suppressing negative emotions to achieve a temporary positive result. That’s not the same thing. I am referring to the idea that you must take time to release emotions and feel emotions of hurt in order to get them out or they stay there and cause you to release more cortisol than you are supposed to, which leads to both physiological and psychological problems. Cortisol is good in times of need. But it was never meant to be there consistently. Cortisol shuts down systems in your brain in order to be released. One of those systems is your immune system. Obviously, this is not a good thing over the course of time, only for the moment needed.

We all want to be a good leader. We all want to positively impact those around us. But phase 1 and 2 are not the end of being a leader. It requires the third phase of emotional intelligence. We must recognize what is happening and then let it happen. Even if you have to get alone. Don’t stop it. It will only cause more problems later if you do. Have that one person you share this with. I shared it with my wife. I was somewhat shocked by it. I knew I had to get that out of my mouth and into reality. She didn’t know what to say. So she just acknowledged that she heard me. That was enough. I had to get it out to someone I trusted. This is something we all need. Someone we can relay this plethora of emotions to. Don’t think for a moment that you can just process it yourself and you’ll be fine. You won’t. Say it out loud to someone.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger