You Can't Judge Me
Or Can You?
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Most of my articles on Substack are psychological in nature. This one is too, but with a theological premise. If anyone needs to hear this message, it’s Christians. They/We are the world’s worst when it comes to being judgy but not wanting anyone to judge them. It simply doesn’t work that way. So, this is aimed toward those who claim to be believers in Christ.
You can’t judge me! Or can you? This phrase gets misused…often. So I figured it’s about time I addressed it. We all hear it. Especially when someone has done something very wrong or just used very poor judgment. To be clear, I’ve done both many times. So in that regard, I don’t “judge” anyone either. But is that an acceptable response when we do those things?
We Are Loved and Forgiven
To be clear, I’m firmly of the belief that there is forgiveness for anything. That God is bigger than your problems. That you didn’t do anything to earn God’s love, so you can’t do anything to lose it. I believe that no matter how “big” the mistake, God is bigger and ready to move forward and move on. He is better at forgiving than you are at failing. I also believe that if there is a true change of heart, then you accept the fact that God loves you where you are but loves you too much to leave you where you are.
Having said that, when confronted by someone with the realization that what you’re doing is wrong, if your go-to phrase is “you can’t judge me!”, then we’re no longer talking about someone that is looking for help. We’re now talking about someone that refuses help, thus completely stifling your growth as a person.
Reality Behind the Phrase
Here’s the thing about that phrase. It’s usually used as an attempt to remove shame and/or attention. It’s also become a self-serving license to live how we want with zero accountability for our actions.
“You aren’t perfect, so you can’t judge me.”
“I can do whatever I want and you can’t judge me!”
Obviously, neither is good or correct.
You Aren’t Perfect, So You Can’t Judge Me
If that’s where we live our lives, we only go backwards… at a fast pace. No one is perfect. But when you steal someone’s wallet for the 14th time in 2 months right after you got out of jail for the same offense, you still want no one to judge you? I’m not saying there isn’t help. What I’m saying is, if you have the propensity to make the same bad decision over and over, or even make a bunch of different bad decisions over and over, you need someone in your life “judging” you to help you fix the wrong path you’re on and improve the quality of your life. Claiming that no is perfect so no one can judge you allows you to just stay in same rut you’ve been in and dig it even deeper.
I Can Do Whatever I Want and You Can’t Judge Me
This one is closely related. But maybe even worse. At least when you claim no one is perfect, you’re admitting what you’re doing is wrong on many levels. But doing whatever you want implies you have no intention of bettering yourself or simply ceasing destructive behavior. This phrase often comes from a position of anger, resentment and on the defense. You feel attacked and are making yourself feel justified. You’re on a fast track to total destruction and you’re making every excuse why it’s ok. Well it’s not ok.
Biblical Justification
And what’s interesting is the verse people quote when they’re making this point. Luke 6:42 “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite.” They read this is and stop.
They’ve justified their own transgressions. The problem is, there’s more to the verse… “First take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” He didn’t say you can’t point out the speck. He only said take your plank out first, THEN you’ll see the speck clearly.
This implies that we are, most certainly, charged to judge each other. At least that’s what this passage says, “These are the things which you should do: speak the truth with one another; judge with truth and pronounce the judgment that brings peace in [the courts at] your gates.” ZECHARIAH 8:16 AMP
It’s worth remembering what Jesus said in Matthew 18:7, “If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” What is implied here is the suspension of judgment toward those who act in ignorance. For the one who has not yet encountered truth, condemnation is neither just nor wise. Yet for those who have known what is good and consciously reject it, discernment and judgment inevitably are in play. In this way, ignorance and willful defiance must be regarded as two entirely distinct conditions.
So what now? Assign blame, or extend compassion? True growth comes from recognizing that many act only within the limits of what they know until they are shown another way. Remember your own struggles, the patterns you once had to break, and celebrate when others take steps toward change. Yet do not abandon accountability, for without honest challenge we stagnate. Ease may comfort, but only struggles shape an enduring strength of character. It’s not easy to grow as a person. It’s not easy to be walking in one direction and make a turn in the other, knowing you may lose some friends along the way. It’s tough. But it’s worth it in the long run. You can judge me… but always in love!
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger
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This clear, Biblical, excellent and challenging - and beautifully concise for such a large subject. You should do more of these. Thank you.